The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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