I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize