I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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