New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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