Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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