You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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