uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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