Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
