I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
