pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
