Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
