I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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