ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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