Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
