just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
