____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
