I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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