First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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