okay pat passed out under dana's car
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
