it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
