mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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