you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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