My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
