You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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