I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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