3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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