You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
