quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is the high leading the old right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
