it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
