Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
