just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
