In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
