By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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