I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its liver damage thursday
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
