what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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