When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
