I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
