What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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