Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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