Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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