what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
