just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
