Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
