Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
why is half of my head shaved?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
