I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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