And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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