Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
