and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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