i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
