somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
