we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how does that bad decision feel?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
