i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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