I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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