i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
