Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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