we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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