Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
