Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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