If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
