I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
