I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
