I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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