"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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