and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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