At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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