I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
