He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
